Lacking Confidence?

It is very difficult for a person who lacks confidence in themselves because the first thing they will avoid is pain. That means they become imprisoned by their own conservatism. On the one hand conservatism avoids failure. On the other hand conservatism avoids happiness. The opposite to happiness is boredom and sometimes avoiding pain means the middle road of mediocrity is ideal.

I am not advocating risk taking. I am advocating honesty. It is dishonest to say that “I am happy with mediocrity.” It is dishonest to say that as long as I don’t have pain I am living my real life. That is not true. That is not honest. Not real. Of course nobody wants pain but the truth is that we all have something we’d love to do that’s worth hurting for. That’s the question we must ask ourselves. What’s worth hurting for? If the answer is nothing, then there is an inner death and this is unhealthy.

What’s worthy hurting for is a key question in life. You might say “making money” or “building a brand” or “raising my children” or “helping the world” or “creating a product or business” but whatever you say – you had better be ready to hurt. Not moan about the cost or the pain or the discomfort but say to yourself “the hurt is worth the result” – this is where the quote “pain is pleasure” comes from.

So, it is your question. What is worth hurting for? Maybe there are a few things. Once you decide, then go hurt.

When I met my first wife I was 18 years old. She eloped out the window of her bedroom and her family cut her off. My love for her was worth hurting for. We had children and her love for me was worth hurting for that too. We were very poor but our love was worth hurting for. But I was not willing to hurt for her love as much as she was willing to hurt for mine. My hurt locker went to business, then world issues. I was not willing to hurt enough to be with her in the way she wanted. Some people say that marriages break because of lack of love. I disagree. Marriages break because one or both people are not willing to hurt enough to make it work. If you don’t like pain, you don’t like love.

Many of my coached clients want to start a business and they have great plans but they are not willing to hurt. Late nights, financial jeopardy, stress, depression, disappointment are all part of building a business. If you can’t hurt, can’t make those sacrifices, don’t start your own business. That’s why there are jobs – employers – for people who don’t want to hurt that much.

This is your true nature. It is not even concerned with pain.

Your Spirit is felt in the softness of your disposition and the power of your concentration. It is felt in your strength, it is a silent power.

This power comes from being connected to nature and the world. It means you are the same strength, no matter who you are with, or where you are. With your Real Spirit you have the same inner quality when meeting a beggar or when meeting a King. When on stage you are identical to offstage. When alone you are no different then when you are with friends. This is the mark of a person who has uncovered their true nature; you are centred, completely natural. Then, there is no need to pretend, there is no act to present. You simply be. Falsehood has no place in your life because being real is the axis around which you live your life. This includes handling discomfort and pain. Can you imagine being real enough to welcome pain with the same openness as you welcome pleasure? This is real.

Staying Real requires constant maintenance. When you are tempted to become emotional over big and small things it’s a real choice to deal with this naturally. The power of your true nature requires that you remain balanced no matter what happens. Your life habit is to continually seek balance. You make the continual effort to not be triggered into one-sided thinking. You avoid making a stand, you do not wish to be right because you understand that everything in this world is built in duality and therefore to stand on one side or the other breeds imbalance. If you have imbalance you will have significant challenges. You do not want to take credit or blame for what goes on around you. You pass it on.

The swings of the mind to gravitate to being all or nothing are habitual. Once a person starts measuring their life based on their ego-personality they become trapped in all or nothing thinking. It happens easily if your job requires exactitude. You may be paid to think all or nothing, like the tax assessor. He or she must think right or wrong and when they go home maybe they forget to become human again. Then the all or nothing thinking becomes robotic.

That is the question “what am I willing to hurt for and how much am I willing to hurt?”

Hurt = sacrifice, pain, humiliation, embarasement, financial loss, etc