Stillness – 1. Good Love.

You can see how easy it is to feel still when there’s no turbulence around us.  That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about romantic ballads and new age music and ashrams and yoga classes and meditation. All those things you know how to do already. What I’m talking about is being able to dive into life feeling like you’re in an ashram, inside of yourself, but on the outside having a ball, doing it cool.

Now we can talk about “Good Love”.  And good love is the best definition of stillness that you can find. There’s no better definition because when your heart’s open and you feel good, you feel so rock solid, so independent. We can call that stillness. And then the opposite of that, when your heart’s broken and there’s turbulence in your life, you’re sad or down, that’s not stillness.

So, let’s say for example, in a game of sport people try and rough up the opposition, right?  They try and give them a hard time and just talk to them or disturb them and break their concentration. And when you break someone’s concentration, you lose the stillness. And when you lose stillness, your heart’s not in the game, your head is. And when only your head is in the game, you’re finished.  

So, good love is not just about passivity, it’s about activity and it’s about bringing your whole being, your mind and your body and your heart in line, to go and do something with focus and concentration. It doesn’t matter what it is.  Let’s say, for example, artists who are painting a painting, if you walk in the room and they’re in the middle of painting and they’re a good artist, they’ll scream with anger because they don’t want to be disturbed. They want to be left alone to be inspired about their work and do the things they really love.  The same with a musician, you know. If you watch a musician play an instrument and they really get involved, if there’s a noise in the background or something that disturbs their concentration, they completely lose the plot.  And that’s a natural experience for people who are in the zone of good love.  

You can see it in other examples as well but the most important thing for us is to keep good love consistent in our own life.  That means to make sure that we walk around on a daily basis feeling good love and that means you can say things like, I love my computer, and really mean it. You can say, I’ve got a Mac and I really love it, I’ve got a new book and I really love it, and I’ve got a cat and I really love my cat, or gee, I live near the waterfront and I really love looking out on the ocean.  

And you need to say these words all the time to yourself and remind yourself that you are doing good love in your life.  That good love is really important because it causes us to be relaxed.  And stillness, it’s an awareness of the goodness of life.  

And of course, if you’re in a relationship, you need to remind yourself that you have good love with your partner.  Even if things aren’t perfect, good love is there. Just because there’s some troubles in your relationship or if it isn’t quite what you want, you can still remind yourself you still have good love for that person, and the people in the past, good love for your family.

So, let’s try and stop the complaining, you know a lot of people walk around thinking about what isn’t right, or what they can change, or what they can fix, maybe even that the weather’s not perfect, or their friends aren’t what they want but they forget that they also love those people and good love is what brings us deeply into our stillness and that’s where our strength is. So, if we’re always talking about things in a negative way or talking about what we can fix, we’re losing the opportunity to have good love and people want to be around good love. So, if you’re feeling that, even when you’re walking down the street by yourself and you say, oh, I love that tree, or I love that plant or I love the flowers around me, you’ll have a good feeling inside of yourself and that good feeling translates to stillness and then to others.  So, we eliminate complaints.

Now, the most important thing to understand about good love and the thing that a lot of people misunderstand is that it can’t be exclusive.  You can’t have this feeling of: I hate those people over there but I love these people over here. That is separation and that means that you’re not really loving the people over here and you’re not really hating the people over there. It’s a myth of polarity because we split things into loveable and not lovable, but to have good love you’ll need to be less bipolar, to be able to say “I like some people more than others” is a good step away from bipolar love and hate.  E

Eventually we can recognise that everything is worthy of love, even if I can’t see it right now, it’s worthy of love. The people I don’t like, that’s just my problem, not their problem. They’re worthy of love and I can have good love for them even while I try and work out why I’ve got the reaction, or judgement and my problem.  So, good love can’t be exclusive.  

Even with one person in a relationship, it’s no use being exclusive to it. That’s crazy.  We’re best to say, “I have good love for this person and sometimes they piss me off and sometimes they don’t” but good love sits there always brewing away like a kettle or a cooking pot.  

And violence is the opposite to good love. Violence is the opposite. So, when we start judging people or being angry or having regrets or negative emotions towards somebody, even gossip, this kills the good love in our heart.  Now, when that good love goes there is no stillness. We can’t divide up the world and say, this is good love, I’m going over here and I’m going to leave this other stuff out of my mind.  A lot of people do that.  They say, I don’t want to watch the news and I don’t want to listen to this new information. And I don’t want a new partner with the same qualities as my old partner. And that’s crazy because you can’t be exclusive. Everyone has some part of everyone in them. The only way to move on from a love partner is to love them and therefore recognise them in the next person we choose. The world is the world and there’s bad news we have to accept it, even inside of ourselves.  So, we have to love that as well.

So, the best definition of good love is to try and be happy the way things are right now. Be happy and celebrate life rather than to be trying to work out what we can do to fix things.  A lot of people talk to me about global warming and killing the whales and the dolphins and I understand their point of view, I really do. But that’s not really going to make any changes that are sustainable because it’s all reactive while good love and a good stillness inside that person could result in positive changes instead of becoming so disturbed about the world.  They need to look at things a little more calmly and say, yep, we can still have love and respect for the people who do damage to the earth rather than be bipolar in “I’m right – they’re wrong” which upsets the balance. We can have good love while we make change.  

So, good love is not going to be divided into them and us. That is a very unhealthy thing. Happiness only really exists, if you can be happy everywhere, then you’ve really achieved a great thing and a lot of stillness will come from that.

For me, the way to remind myself of what it feels like to be in good love is to go into nature because in nature I can love everything.  It’s really strange but there’s nothing in nature, even a dead animal or a vicious tiger that eats an innocent deer, I see good love going on because I understand nature’s plan and I understand some trees dying and some trees born and some rivers drying up and some rivers flooding and I understand. Then it is stillness in your heart.