When you go home from work your mind has experienced a day of absolute perfect symmetry and balance. nothing good has happened that hasn’t included a bad and nothing bad has happened that hasn’t included a good. Our emotional mind doesn’t see it this way. So we can go home emotionally charged either in a positive sense or a negative sense about the day. It means that the day has not come to a close and we’re walking in the door of our own carrying the baggage of the day. There is no greater guarantee of sabotage of a relationship when you walk in the door constantly carrying the baggage of the day arriving home after 6 PM.
In previous notes I have mentioned the necessity to leave work early. This is an essential requisite for any human being who wishes to live and work with their heart and soul and also come home to a relationship and family will love and energy flows freely. This is not suggesting that the day of work is finished early. Sometimes we have homework instead of watching TV. If your children are old enough you may even sit with them while they study and you do your work. I would be most inclined to suggest that the homework you do is anything requiring reading and learning. I would not be generating output in the evening. But whatever you do it is important to have a break in the day and arrive home so that you can celebrate family time in a healthy openhearted way.
I have created what I call the emotional shower. for many years I was doomed to the clumsy process of having to go to the pub or go down to the football club in order to separate my work from my home. On one hand this was effective but on the other it wasted valuable time that I could have been spending with my three highest priorities, my children. Instead I was in a pub trying to cool my mind after a big day of thinking and working. I even tried hypnosis and meditation neither of which really cleared my head refreshed my energy. And so I created the emotional shower.
Let me say that half doing the emotional shower is as bad as not doing it at all. The process is very scientific. First there needs to be a very exacting list of everything that went either good or bad today. These are columns 1 and three. This list can include everything from aggressive meetings to missed contracts all the way through to promotions and bonuses. Columns 2 and four search for the diametric opposite. In other words they look for them bad in the good and the good in the bad. It takes roughly 15 minutes with pen and paper and I think this investment is a really worthwhile investment because it saves hours, it brings you home in a state of moderate equilibrium and therefore with an open heart. If you arrive home and you are still worried about something that happened in the working day then your process is incomplete and it would be really wise to pull out another sheet of emotional shower and flush out whatever is in your head.
Rhetoric is a horrible idea especially when it comes to family. I hear people say that my family are my highest priority or that I love my children or that I love my wife or husband and then they go home from work burnt out, tired and out of balance. That’s a serious oxymoron. I have no doubt that each of us must work to excess, we need to put in those late nights from time to time, we do arrive home tired once in awhile. But if this is a daily occurrence, punctuated by the occasional misadventure in which we arrive home early then there is some serious reconsideration to do about what the value of these late nights are saying and what they are actually predicting about your family.
My role here is not to tell you what to do but to allow you to do whatever you do with consciousness and mindfulness. Whatever time you get home, you need to arrive home in a healthy state of mind and therefore the emotional shower can be a great asset.